ummmmmmm - It's called DANCE CLASS!

ummmmmmm - It's called Dance Class! . . . is brought to you by Ms. Annoid a.k.a. Mz Melodrama a.k.a THIS PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT BETTA REACH YOU!

Now that that's out the way - let's get started with the subject at hand shall we? . . . with a few questions/comments/concerns - whichever you would prefer.

NOTE! Make sure: After reading the statements below - PLEASE ADD the phrase: "UMMMMMM - IT'S CALLED DANCE CLASS!" following each . . . THAAAAAAANK YOU. :)

1. Sweat . . .

2. A WARRRRRRM UP . . .

3. This is NOT a party - we do not just do what we want . . .

4. Getting a "correction" is NOT the end of the world! Jeez . . .

5. If you wanted to have a Nickolodean slumber party, wearing your matchy matchy tank and short shorts, jumping up and down with your arms thrusting in the air, swinging your head from side to side, in a daze, shouting "whoo who" . . . (hope your stating that phrase we talked about)

6. Nor is this Project Runway, Season Finale . . .

7. MUST we ask for water after every exercise? Did I miss the 10K that we just ran? - At the most, a single class is an hour and a half - I think we can manage . . .

8. What are the barres along the wall used for again? Have we suddenly become crippled after each exercise or instruction? Possibly. We sure like to lean all up against them - chillin! We SHOULD be using it to "get on our leg!" . . .

9. What's with the attitude when you walk into the room? Did your mommy make you come today? Dance is supposed to be "a moment of happiness and pure bliss."

10. And guess what? Sorry to burst your bubble - there's this thing called "hard work" that's also associated with it - maybe a push up, maybe a crunch . . .

11. Oh my bad! Did you think this was Zumba? . . .

12. Wait! If you wanted to teach - why didn't you tell me? Clearly you know more than the teacher . . . (gagging)

13. I'm just breaking hearts this evening, aren't I? So sorry but sometimes you may have to put your hair up! You know . . . when you can't do a pirouette bc the length of your hair falls near your REAR and you CAN'T do a turn - OR maybe bc you might BLIND someone else . . .

14. DISCIPLINE (state that phrase - I know it's hard)

15. Here's the kicker! Check this out . . . You MAY learn something NEW! . . . possibly from a NEW teacher with NEW ideas! (insert phrase here) OMG! I think my heart almost stopped . . .

Now - I may have forgotten a few, but rest assured - I'll be back! And also - this is mostly to inform the "teeny-boppers" or the SYTYCD generation -

Before we close - let me tell you what DANCE CLASS IS NOT CALLED=

"A Private Party"

though . . . India Arie sings about this So beautifully, this is NOT what we are going for! LISTEN UP EVERYONE - There is a criteria . . . a standard . . . a discipline to uphold - carried down from generations and generations of sticks hitting the floor and "YOU SUCK!" 'Fame costs' ladies and gents and it starts riiiiight here! haha (Debbie Allen - love her)

In the words of Mz. Melodrama - "GET IT TOGETHER!"

the party's over! - signing off.

Switcheto thee Lineno. Parlez vous francias?

Switching lines.

What does that REALLY mean? Shall we "define" it?

(from my Macbook dictionary)

"SWITCH = an act of adopting one policy or way of life; or choosing one type of item, in place of another; A CHANGE!"

Let me translate this in 'black girl terms' . . . ADOPT your way to another spot in the room or movvvvvvvvvve yourself out of my way; why don't you chooooooose somewhere else to go, instead of . . . the place that you been standing all during class; better yet - CHANGE LINES!!! lol Thaaaaaatttt's about clear now . . . RIGHT? :))))))

I just don't understand the logic of when a teacher says: switch lines . . . no one moves or if they do they "pretend." Its really not that hard of a concept people . . . if you see a large wave of people moving behind you - that might mean that you should move too! Ding! Ding! Ding!

What's with the selfishness of the "front people" NOT wanting to move? 1. No one is "taking" your spot . . . we have no assign spots in dance class! Can you imagine if you came into the room and your name was imprinted on the floor with a box around it and you could ONLY dance in that spot? Borrrrrrrring! And pretty pre-ballet level 1 . . . when they make the kids stand on the those little circles to teach them about first position. haha 2. Did youuuuuu know that if you followed the "sequence" of switching lines . . . you might end up in the spot that you started in? Ohhhhhhhhhhh Shnappppp! The Logic. I wish I had a 3 - but I don't.

HOWWWWWWWEVER! There are some individuals who should NEVER switch lines . . . the BIG AND TALL. Yes . . . the ones who are already about 7ft tall and can already see over the choreographer. Please tell me why you would stand in front of the girl who is 4'3"? lol Common sense people . . . COME ON.

What else should be said about switching lines? I guess I'll give you the benefit of the doubt and say that you are intriguely entrenched in intensifying intellect impacted with endless information. Naw, Naw . . . :) Instead, we act like Impi hovering around the choreographer in full armor. lol

I kid you not - this is an huge dilemma spreading across all lands! We MUST figure out the best solution! Super D to the rescue! Here we go . . .

The teacher says: Switch lines!

THIS is what will happen to those who choose not to switch lines =

BLACK GIRL PATROL (a.k.a Me) eases up along side of victim and slowly makes sure mouth is in the right alignment with ear, full vocals ready . . . "SHE SAAAAAAIIIIDDDDD MOVE!" After the words come out SO gloriously - I end with a roll of the eyes, swoop of the neck, lips puckered, one hand on hip, slight plie to the left, and the most vicious grandmama stare (like the one when you tried to fall asleep in church as a little girl). And until victim moves - you WAIT! Then on to the next victim(S) . . .

kids! don't try this at home - signing off.

ABDC =A. B[ad]. D[amn]. C[ase] of . . . Am IIIIIII Crazy???

Do you want to be in my crew?

Wait! let me back up in this "tale between two lovers" . . .

--------------------------------------------------

Random girl = what crew do YOU belong to???

Me (the normal one) = I don't.

Random girl = Do you want to be in my crew for "this show?"

Me (the normal one) = What?

Random girl = I'm a choreographer.

Me (the normal one) = ok.

Random girl = Rehearsals would be . . .

Me (the normal one) = (confused as hell) I would need to see some footage.

Random girl = Well what style of dance do you do?

Me (the normal one) = Contemporary, Hip Hop, and Jazz Funk

Random girl = We have a dress code in my crew: ALL BLACK, no make up, no fingernail polish, only double XL shirts, hair slicked back in a ponytail.

Me (the normal one) = (trying to keep from laughing in her face)

Me (the normal one) = ARE YOU SERIOUS?

Random girl = yes.

Random girl = Well I need to know if you want to be a part of my crew. Right now I have a girl who does hip hop and ballet. And I actually had to let go of all of the krumpers that I auditioned last week.

Me (the normal one)= I would need to see some type of footage, better yet, are you taking class today?

Random girl = well I can do that s***! (pointing at the television) What class are you taking?

Me (the normal one) = . . .

Random girl = I don't know her.

Me (the normal one) = Wow. She's actually pretty popular.

Random girl = I'm a choreographer.

Me = Choreographers take class too! lol

Random girl = I need to know if you want to be a part of the crew?

Me = walking away . . .

Random girl = (on to her next victim)

END OF SCRIPT.

---------------------------------------------

MORAL OF THE STORY: WHAT THE HELL??? This is exactly why taking class is SO important kids! Without constant knowledge being fed into your brain - you may begin to LOSE YOUR DAMN MIND! . . . and think that "You are a choreographer with a crew - ready for ABDC."

never in my life - signing off.

P.M.S

When Mother Nature works her magic every once and a while . . . you wonder if its to help increase your tolerance level or if its for the "greater good?" To my surprise - I wasn't expecting to encounter any unusual events today, but I did. Yes . . . P.M.S. ladies and sorry gentleman! I actually have an issue when another person comes into the picture and causes my P.M.S to become worse. The irritation escalates to a whole new level! And I couldn't believe that today IT happened in dance class! My Personal.Man.Space was violated BIG TIME! There's this unwritten language of how close you should be to someone, correct? - a pamphlet given to everyone at birth . . . that states: this imaginary box surrounded around me should not be crossed by YOU! Thanks! :) However, I don't think most people . . . dancers understand that. Case in point: in learning choreography in a room packed full of people - its understandable that some accidental contact may occur. Though, if a hand OR BODY gets to close to your face several times - you wonder 2 things - EGO (they assume that YOU are the "new" one bc you aren't going SUPER full out like there's a freakin gold medal prize at the end of this journey) or there really IS a problem??? - not understanding that P.M.S. has been tampered with. Instead of making a scene . . . you politely give subtle hints to show that mayyyyyybe this individual is getting a little TOO close to you = rolling of the eyes, a short sigh, a glance in their direction, or even standing still so that they can in fact hit you. lol Nothing works! The last gesture that you decide to do is to physically place your arms out in a "T" . . . as they instruct you in elementary school, in order to learn Personal Man Space. Still nothing. What do you do? Your PMS has already caused you to encounter all of these "emotional" changes . . . let's go through the most common symptoms: irritability, tension, and unhappiness - check, check, AND CHECK! You also think of the risks of maybe getting older is causing these symptoms or if you forgot your high intake of caffeine this morning. With all that was stated . . . here's the conclusion for this tale between 2 lovers, The Violator and 85% of Women = all you have to do when your Personal.Man.Space has become limited in a dance class is . . . wait for group instruction. Whichever group the instructor tells you to partake in - do the opposite group of your violator. This way said individual will see how wonderfully talented you are without being drenched in a shower of sweat and heavy breathing. And as you "kill" the combo and everyone praises you or hates you - your violator will wonder if all the work he did to distract you was even worth it, as he leaves class defeated. Awwwwwwww (that's my stomach aching from P.M.S) HA!

NOTE: "The exact causes of PMS are not fully understood."

clearly misunderstood - signing off.